Appropriate Skills Needed to Deal With the Difficult Person

When dealing with difficult people you have to take into consideration some of the relevant conditions of the situation. You need to learn what behaviors need to be changed. What are you expecting from the situation in which you are presently involved? Until you can answer these questions, you are not ready to get involved with a difficult or highly opinionated person. In order to avoid a bad reaction, it is necessary to plan.
Before engaging the difficult person, you need to decide in advance how you are going to respond if the situation becomes difficult i.e. "Will you walk away? Will you back off until things calm down?" This process can help you focus on issues and concepts that might elevate the difficult persons' responses into heated responses. When others are present, the difficult person will play to the audience and others may attempt to interrupt the conversation. Try not to deal with a difficult person when you are hungry or tired, in some situations you need to maintain your full attention.

What Skills Do You Need? Stay tranquil?
Getting upset and losing your temper with the difficult person is not the best thing to do to get them to cooperate with you. Anger will only trigger the difficult person into action and create a hostile environment where no resolution can be found, it is better to imagine and maintain a calm persona. If you stay calm, you will be seen as being in control, centered and more respectable. To lose control will make it look like you are the problem and the true issues of the situation will be lost. The real issues surrounding a situation with a difficult person will be recognized as those of the difficult person if you remain predominantly calm. If you become edgy or upset, the focus is shifted to you as though you are the problem.

Separate the person from their behaviors
People demonstrate behaviors that work for them. Even when it may seem that the person always opposes you, there are usually underlying reasons that are motivating them to behave in that manner. Reasoning for behaviors is often not readily apparent. Try to identify the reasons; why the person is demonstrating such behaviors and what is making them to act in this manner. Get a more informed opinion by asking others: Other people must have experienced similar situations in some way or another with the difficult individual. They may be able to give you a different perspective from a different view-point and offer a different take on the situation. The more information that is shared will help you to understand the behaviors of the difficult person and help you make a more informed decision about how to deal with that individual.

Try to get on the same page with the difficult person
Sometimes, it may be helpful to let the difficult person know your intentions behind what you are doing. A difficult person is often resistant because they think that you are being difficult with them. Letting them know the reason behind your actions and the full background of what is happening might enable them to empathize with your situation. This may help to get them on-board with your ideas.
Build as much trust as possible
You may need to re-instill a sense of trust by connecting with the difficult person on a personal level. Get to know them as a person, with unresolved problems and not as an oppositional defiant person. Be patient and you might find you can build a stronger connection. If this happens issues and behaviors may be easily handled.

Be respectful
Even though the difficult person has a tendency to treat people as if they were stupid, incapable, and incompetent, they in themselves do not like it and will use your perceived disrespect against you. If you treat the oppositional person in any way with what they perceive to be disrespect, do not be surprised when they treat you the same way. To paraphrase the golden rule, "Do unto the oppositional person better than they would do unto you."

Focus on only those things you might be able to change
Most of the time you will be in a difficult position with an oppositional person, such as receiving a great deal of this persons ire or being wrongly held responsible for things you did not do. It must be noted that the actions of these individual's have already been pre-determined. Do not dwell on what you cannot change. Focus your energy on those things you believe can make positive changes on the issues in your present situation.

Ignore
If you have tried, everything you believe is possible, the difficult person is still not receptive, and their oppositional behaviors are not diminishing, the best way to deal with the oppositional individual is to just ignore them. This may be difficult in the cases where the person is a close acquaintance or family member.

Reevaluate the terms of your relationship
When all else fails in dealing with difficult people, re-evaluate your relationship and determine what benefits you are receiving by taking or accepting the behaviors initiated by the oppositional person. Sometimes, the only way to get an oppositional person moving is through an evaluation of your relationship and determining whether the relationship is worth the stress and anxiety and letting the individual know you are willing to call it quits. Only exercise this option once, as you would not want oppositional friends or family member, to think that you are only bluffing and are incapable of handling your own problems.